The critique will be up tonight. Meta review will be up tomorrow. PRODUCTIVITY: CHECK.
FYeahCharacter Developers: Take some time and check out your characters’ relationships with each other (this is set for romantic, but could easily be tweaked to fit other types of relationship). In what areas are their relationships generally good, and where are their relationships usually not so good? For example, a character might be very good at expressing what they want, but bad at seeing the other party’s good points. Take a look and have fun!
The following comparisons highlight the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.
Healthy: Being your own person.
Unhealthy: Feeling incomplete without the other person.
Healthy: Accepting responsibility for your own happiness.
Note: Some words or phrases are repeated as they fit into two or more categories.
- and besides
- in conclusion
- to begin with
- in brief
- in essence
- in short
- in other words
- that is
- that is to say
- to put it differently
- as though
- coupled with
- in the same way
- together with
- by the same token
- even though
- in contrast
- in spite of
- on one hand
- on the contrary
- on the other hand
First Impressions: I wonder how many fictional institutes have been named Carmichael. I don’t have anything against it, don’t get me wrong, it was just my first thought. Everything looks neat and tidy so that’s a plus. Theme doesn’t hurt my brain.
Appearance: Cool beans. The colors are nice and they fit with the setting. The links seem a little funny to me though, having them in two different places like that. With the way the theme is set up, it draws the eye towards the center. I didn’t even notice the home, ask, and theme buttons at first.
Your canons are nothing special. The basic information is clearly labeled at the top, which is nice if you’re looking for a character to play. They’re very plain though. Boring is the word. They get the job done, they just lack pizzazz. One of the things that really bugged me was the images. Some of them are stretched oddly, or more accurately, smushed. Nothing that would keep me from joining, they’re just… blah.
The emphasis on appearance in RPs nowadays is something that I will call fucking ridiculous, but it does have a place. To me, a tumblr RP’s main page should be prettied up; it should be more than just neat and organized. Big whoop. Pretty much every RP page is going to be neat and organized. You need something that sets you apart. Your canon pages currently don’t do that.
Characters: There’s a nice variation in ages which is always something I look for. There isn’t really anyone over 30, but you’re on the right track at least. I know I’m somewhat of an odd duck in that I like playing older characters and you have to cater to the majority, but it adds depth to a plot. You might want to look into a bigger variety of faces as well. There’s very little in the way of diversity.
One of my biggest peeves with them is that not all of the bios are the same length. I don’t mean down to the word count, but visually they should be roughly the same. The discrepancies are mostly apparent in the open male bios. In general they’re shorter than the female which is a problem, but the lengths aren’t even relative to each other. I think it’s important that all characters have the same amount of thought and effort put into them, and that’s just not what it looks like from your character pages.
Plot: I like how you incorporated current events into the history. That kind of stuff is always cool to me. I’d like more on the history though, if not in the plot than maybe a separate page. What would cause England and Russia to become allies? Why would England turn against the U.S.? England and American have been allies for about a century, more at the point of the war starting. What circumstances changed that?
You could argue that the information isn’t necessary, but if you’re a building a world you need those details. To me unsubstantiated claims like that would immediately send me to the back button and to another page. Just because it’s fiction doesn’t mean you can ignore logic.
The Keys really bother me as well. Instead of nuclear winter people either became X-Men or mindless savages? Please. When Chernobyl went south people didn’t start sprouting wings and magic powers. They got radiation poisoning and died. From radiation. Because that’s what nukes do. So unless these bombs have been made with the concentrated farts of a fairy godmother or something that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. You’re taking it beyond fantasy and into stupidity. You’re like in the capital of stupidity right now, on the stupidity council to the stupidity prime minister.
And the telepathy thing? Also bullshit. They only want destruction because the magical nukes from Narnia affected their motor skills and brain chemistry. Fine, I’d give you that, but the intelligence and telepathy makes no sense in combination. If you’re going to make them super geniuses, they need a motive for their wish to kill everything. Intelligent beings have reasons for everything they do.
As for the Institute, there’s nothing special about it. It’s just another school for mutants. Big whoop. There’s nothing to set it apart from all the hundreds of school-for-powers RPs that are out there. If you’re going to use a popular theme like that you need a gimmick, and quite frankly you don’t have one.
You do have some interesting ideas with the politics and the history of the war, but it should be elaborated. As it is now it seems like a rough draft to me; an initial setting “sketch” to later be refined and built on.
There are also numerous grammar and spelling mistakes in the plot, as well as some disastrously poorly phrased sentences. If you take nothing else out of this review, for the love of god fix the typos.
Administration: You seem nice and answer questions. You keep the blog updated regularly. I have no complaints with this. Keep on truckin’.
TL;DR: You have strong canons, but your plot is seriously lacking. There’s just nothing that makes it stand out at all. You have some original ideas with the way the war started and panned out but there isn’t any justification for it. And yeah, I’ve never seen the nukes grant powers thing before so I guess you can call that original, but sometimes things have never been done for a reason.
Just a heads up. I’m working on the Carmichael Institute review and it should be up later today.
I’m off to a running start, aren’t I. Goodness gracious.
To do list:
First impressions: Before I even clicked through to your tumblr your name made me pause. There is something to be said for straight up honesty, and I will give you that it has a nice cadence, but it isn’t a good title. When you introduce yourself you don’t say, “Hi, I’m a person.” A person is what you are, not what you’re called. In the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t deter me from joining in itself, but you should really think about using a proper name as the url. For instance, your page is titled, “A Battle Between Love and Hate.” It’s cliche but it’d be better than the literal interpretation you’re using currently.
Appearance: Your theme colors make my eyeballs cry tears of blood. The red and blue against the white is extremely bright and I think you’d do well to darken your background color a bit. If I was looking to join I would hit that shiny back arrow before I even read the plot just to save myself the pain of having to check that page. That being said I like the theme in general, you made a good call picking that one. It’s easy to navigate, I don’t have to go digging around looking for the button to get to the next page, and it’s simple without being basic. The only beef I have with it is the colors.
As far as your canons go, I have mixed feelings. First and foremost not all the characters are posted in the same format, and that bothers me. A lot. It looks sloppy and disorganized. Would it keep me from joining? Possibly. The two gifs side-by-side format is effective, if bland. I’d get rid of those and convert them to the other format if I were you, because that other format is boss. It’s elegant without being cluttered and it has all the relevant information while still being pleasing to the eyes. The other format wouldn’t look so bad if it wasn’t on the same page as this one.
I do have a problem with it, though; the colors are a little off-putting. I understand that they’re color coded for the different gods and on one hand that makes quickly distinguishing them easy, but on the other some of the colors are just icky. Seriously, the yellow on Apollo and the brown on Vespa? Not working for me. The blue and purple are iffy as well. They would work better if they were less saturated, like Ares and Artemis.
Characters: Name meaning? Really? That’s just cheesy. And the way they fit everyone’s personality is unrealistic. These people get named by their parents when they’re babies. You don’t know how a baby’s going to grow up to be. It just doesn’t make sense.
The characters themselves I have no problem with. Overall they’re original and interesting enough, and their backgrounds seem varied from what I’ve skimmed over. There are some typos though, I’d give those bios another looksy if I were you. The playbys are nicely varied as well, I liked that. Some of them I knew and some of them I had never heard of before. It’s a nice mix. Personally I’d like to see some older faces as well as teens to give it more variety, but other than that I don’t really have any issues with them. It’d be nice to see some more ethnic variety.
Plot: Eh. It’s a little bland. From everything I’ve seen I’m assuming it’s based on the Percy Jackson series, and I don’t think you’re characterizing the Gods very accurately. Hades doesn’t give a shit what the other gods are bickering about, he’s the one who got the short end of the stick. He doesn’t interact with them much, if at all, so I’m questioning why he’s up in arms alongside Zeus and Poseidon- the brothers that he isn’t all that fond of. Frankly the plot doesn’t make a lot of sense, either. They’re mad at the other gods for fighting so they’re going to call up their rival Roman counterparts and invite them over to their house for a little get together? What? It’s a weak excuse to bring the two camps of demi-gods together. The bit with Aphrodite is more interesting and plausible, but it almost seems like you have two separate plots here- a dramatic, tense war movie and a romantic comedy-of-errors. They don’t mesh very well.
Administration: You guys leave notes to each other on the tumblr way too much. It was cute the first post I saw it. It gave me a sense of your personalities and your relationship, but then it keeps coming up over and over and over again. It’s unprofessional. In the future I’d try to keep that to a minimum. Other than that, you seem personable enough. You answer all the questions and ask for input and whatnot, which is always good.
TL;DR: You’re not off to a bad start, but there are some things you should definitely work on if you want to attract more players. I did like your characters for the most part, but the lack of a coherent plot would definitely keep me from joining. You seem very young as well, which was also off-putting to me. I’m not a beacon of maturity by anyone’s standards, but if I join an RP I like to have some assurance that it’s going to be literate and mature. I’m a snob that way and I will admit that.
Sure! I’ll do it first thing tomorrow morning. Even wicked witches need their beauty sleep.
Since I never know where to find what I’m looking for in my favorites. I’ve decided to make a master post of things I use. This is juts a small list, I have yet to search more around. [This list will be updated whenever I find new things] Maybe this will come in handy for someone, who knows.
Tumbr: | ahjussis | flawlesspsds | fuckyeahresources | fyeahphotoshop | hearitactions | love-tutorials | lovephotoshop | pscs5 |
Other: | allphotoshop | coloured_skies | photoshopfreebies | resourcenation | resourcehunter | theresourceroundup2 |
Tumblr: | accio-glow | businessdrunk | byeolibichnan | callmebrandon | colorscandy | colouresource | damonelenaitalia | emmahyphenjane | emmelia | felineofavenueb | fuckbees | gaystiel | gemmaarterton | halcyongillan | imtheheroine | kimigasukidatta | lookbackseeforward | loseanhour | mirand-ah | neverlands- | newmeen | northerndawn | ohmygryffindor | planets-bend-between-us | psdjunkie | psychadeliachild | purplebass | -redux | rosebein | slayground | stormwolves | strangeness | sweettasteofbitter | thorodinsons | truesouls | veronicaglory | wicked-fate | yellowlemon |
Other: | 99mockingbirds | 100x100textures | aubedesarts | deviantart | icontextures | midnight_road | photoshop-community | resources-with-ps | sublimartdust | texturedinsanity | textures_r_us | texturize |
Themes| 1000scientists | 30dialogues | aerou | antigones | apenas-uma-garota-imperfeita | arreter-themes | asianluv | charlove | ciaosmos | cindie | confunded | destroyerthemes | distances | duckponds | eadch | emmelia | ettudis | fezzings | fiebre-themes | firsthorsemansthemes | forenkladthemes | gyuhyuns | haru-themes | hbks | incavothemes | ixora | jbam-themes | lmthemes | maraudersthemes | northerndawn | nunmuri | officerparker | qtthemespreviews | quinni | rthemes | rtylers | sirmerlin | stillafireinme | themesbyla | themesbypolinomial | the-redwaterfall | thingsfromhtml | tofuthemes |
Tutorials| acrisdesign | belleprintemps | big-tutorials | blueboxer | coloring_help | icon_tutorial | imarc | good-tutorials | psdlearning | psd.fanextra | psd.tutsplus | simplypsd | tutorialized |
PSD| absinthefee | beautiesfromhollywood | bellepsds | brilliant-psds| byeolibichnan | caps-coloring | captainpond | cherriepiepsds | coloringmania | coloringpeople | colorscandy | delacourting |deviantart | dirrtylady | drunkandcoloring | epid-psds | fyeahpsds |getonmytardispsds | iconcoloring | miekospsds | mycolorings | ohitsmagicpsd | paintmeapsd | psdelicious | psds | psdsandactions | psdvanity | recreatemepsd | rosepsds | stillafireinme | stormwolves | truesoulpsds | yeahphotoshop |
*Other master posts:
→acciohedwig Resources Master Post
→miekos Resources Master Post
→my-photoshop-delimma Resource Master Post
→neverlands- Texture Master Post
→quinnqueen Photoshop Master Post
→obseo Theme Recomendation Master Post
Yeah, yeah, I know, everyone talks about this shit. It’s my first real post, sue me. I’ll come up with more original topics later. In the mean time, I do have something to say about this:
A good face is a good face. Period. As my sociology teacher would say, PERIOD.